To whomever reads my journals:

Thanks so much for reading. I do appreciate it.
Even small things like these make me smile nowadays cos so much shit has been going on in my life recently. I haven't been able to really talk to Bryan (my bf) in about a week. I mean, I'll get maybe about 20 minutes of conversation through texting, (I have to use my brother's phone cos my texting got taken away) but that was only Monday and yesterday. And he's "too depressed and he doesn't know why". I mean, I love the man to death, but you can't just shut off contact from someone for a week and not explain why until someone uses another number to contact you. So basically, that let me know he was avoiding me, and I have no fucking idea why. Yesterday, I asked if he was trying to break up with me and his exact words were "God no. That's the last thing on my mind. I'd never do that." so that made me a little less depressed. But within fifteen minutes of us talking, he ends it by saying "I took some sleeping pills earlier and I'm about to pass out. I'm sick of being awake. Sorry.. I love you." Now, the thing that worries me is the "sick of being awake part". I'm worried that he's gonna try to hurt himself and it's killing me not knowing if he's ok or alive right now. I would go over to his place, but he's thirty minutes away and I don't have a car. Not to mention I have swine flu right now... So, all this adds up to our first fight. Shit...

To add to the hysteria, two of my family members died last week. My great uncle and my cousin. He was 75 and she was 17. She's not my first cousin, but we were as close as first cousins. She and her grandfather were driving down the highway during a rainstorm in Maryland and a 18-wheeler spun out of control and smashed them...They were on there way to her chorus concert.
R.I.P. Courtney and Uncle Louis.

Now, if you read my journals, you already know that I'm having a pretty gruesome (at least it is to me) surgery. That added the icing on the cake to probably one of the worst weeks of my life.
So fuck last week and all the hysteria. I think I'm gonna go numb for a while. I just don't need to feel much for now

Anyways, hope everyone else is well.

Until next time,
~Carolyn~

PS,
The three games I've played recently include Brütal Legend, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, and Borderlands and I give all of them two thumbs up!